Thinking versus Feeling

Many people are unable to differentiate between a thought and a feeling. It can helpful to understand what they are and why we often struggle with this.

Thinking - cognitive mode. Tends to feel safer, clearer, more in control. Thinking involves analysing, naming, problem solving, explaining. It creates a buffer against raw emotion, and is often connected to a need to understand in order to feel safe - If I can understand it, I don’t have to be overwhelmed by it.

Feeling - embodied / affective mode. Feelings happen in the body, involving sensations, moods, energetic shifts. Feelings can be unpredictable or intense, and require a level of containment through relationship to be tolerated and made meaningful - I don’t know what is happening, but something is unsettling me, I feel all out of sorts, I don’t feel like myself.

Why can these be so split off? A split is not a flaw - it’s often a protective adaptation that arises from a lack of attuned mirroring in early life - What is wrong with you? Or emotional neglect or dismissal - Don’t be silly' or You’re too sensitive.

It is important to learn the difference because thoughts are cognitive interpretations, whilst feelings are embodied experiences. If we can’t distinguish between them we can mistake a story No-one cares, or I’m a failure for a truth. Feelings when felt directly tend to move, soften or reveal something deeper, such as sadness underlying anger. Thoughts when followed tend to multiply and intensify into rumination. Feelings carry information such as ‘something hurts’, ‘something needs attention’. Thoughts carry commentary - I believe they think x about me. Self-compassion requires contact with the feeling, not the narrative, as we can’t soothe a story, only the part of us that is hurting.

When we can discern between thoughts and feelings we get to choose how to respond, otherwise the mind’s commentary and the body’s distress collapse into one undifferentiated overwhelm.