Thinking versus Feeling

Many people are unable to differentiate between a thought and a feeling. It can helpful to understand what they are and why we can struggle with this.

Thinking (cognitive mode) Tends to feel safer, clearer, more in control. Thinking involves analysing, naming, problem solving, explaining. It creates a buffer against raw emotion. It is often connected to a need to understand in order to feel safe. “If I can understand it, I don’t have to be overwhelmed by it”.

Feeling (embodied / affective mode) Feelings happen in the body, involving sensations, moods, energetic shifts. Feelings can be unpredictable or intense. They require a level of containment through relationship to be tolerated and made meaningful. “ I don’t know what is happening, but something is moving in me.”

Why can these be so split off? A split is not a flaw - it’s usually a protective adaptation that arises from a lack of attuned mirroring in early life “what is wrong with you?” or emotional neglect and dismissal “don’t be silly'“ or “you’re too sensitive.”