Paradox in Therapy

Therapy often involves holding two truths at the same time because our emotional lives rarely fits into a single, clear position. Here are some of the paradoxes that show up again and again:

• Your old strategies protected you and now they are getting in your way - What was adaptive in one chapter of life may no longer serve you in the next.

• Change happens when you stop trying to force change - ‘The paradoxical theory of change’ says that real change begins with full acceptance of where you are. Something shifts when experience is allowed, rather than pushed away.

• The therapeutic relationship is real and it is also carefully boundaried - Clients often wonder Do you actually care about me, or is this just you doing your job? The answer is both - the care is real, and the boundaries are real. The frame doesn’t make the relationship artificial, it makes it safe enough for deeper work.

• You are uniquely yourself and your struggles are deeply human - Your story is entirely your own, and yet the themes that emerge - fear, longing, shame, hope - are shared across many lives. Holding both truths can soften isolation as you are a person living a recognisable human experience.

• We need both closeness and distance - At times we need contact - to feel understood, met, held in mind. At other times we need space - to come back to ourselves, and feel safe. The work is not about constant openness, but about finding a balance, knowing when to move closer, and when to step back.

Learning to hold paradox can feel unsettling especially if you’re used to searching for the ‘right’ answer. But over time, the capacity to hold two truths at helps us feel more grounded in reality.