The Space Between

Every relationship exists in the space between two people. Both look out of their own windows onto the relationship.

Your window formed through your feelings, needs, history, meaning.

Likewise, the other person’s window formed through their feelings, needs, history, meaning.

When we’re wounded as children, we often learn to survive by boarding up one of those windows.

Some children could only see out of their own window because to look out of the other one feels threatening or engulfing.

Other children can only look out of the other person’s window because to look out of their own feels dangerous, unwelcome or too costly.

Neither is a flaw but an intelligent adaptation to environments where holding both perspectives at the same time wasn’t possible or safe.

As adults, the work isn’t to move from one window to the other. It’s learning to stand where both views are visible, even if they contradict, even if they pull in different directions.